My grandad always said, "You should never judge a book by its cover." And it's for that reason that he lost his job as chair of the British Book Cover Awards panel. - Stewart Lee
What did the soup say to the tea plate? "You're too shallow for me. I like deep dish to dip right into!" I still keep my British humour in good taste. No room for egos or rumours. - Ana Claudia Antunes
It took me twenty years of studied self-restraint, aided by the natural decay of my faculties, to make myself dull enough to be accepted as a serious person by the British public. - George Bernard Shaw
To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity. - Oscar Wilde
Hating Britain is a fundamental part of being British - Ben Mitchell
Like the pagans of old, unaffected by climate, the British were now dancing around a giant phallus. Unlike the pagans theirs was a sterile phallus, disarmed by condoms and pills - the first heathen sexual cult to be based around sterility rather than fertility. - Peter Hitchens
To all the revolutionaries fighting to throw off the yoke of tyranny around the world: look at British democracy. Is that what you want? - Andy Zaltzman
One Bagatelle, and I’ll raise you a novel, Megan had tweeted back.Writing for tea? Now that would have been a solution for the British empire, Laura returned.Writing for me, Megan had typed.I’ll write you a tea fortune.No deal. I want a novel. September sounds good. - L.L. Barkat
I was at a party in 1989 and Ian McEwan, Martin Amis and Salman Rushdie were sitting on a sofa wondering where the next generation of great British writers would come from. As we talked, it became clear they had never read a word by me. - Jeanette Winterson
As part of it's 'Astro' program LAPD helicopters maintain an average nineteen-hours-per-day vigil over 'high crime areas', tactically coordinated to patrol car forces, and exceeding even the British Army's aerial surveillance of Belfast.
The British nation is unique in this respect. They are the only people who like to be told how bad things are, who like to be told the worst. - Sir Winston Churchill
It drives on with a courage which is stronger than the storm. It drives on with a mercy which does not quail in the presence of death. It drives on as proof, a symbol, a testimony that man is created in the image of God and that valour and virtue have not perished in the British race.
The elaborate caution with which the British commander now proceeded stands out in striking contrast with the temerity of his advance upon Bunker Hill in the preceding year.
Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India, history will look upon the Act depriving a whole nation of arms, as the blackest. - Mahatma Gandhi
I am completely opposed to the British National Party; I couldn't possibly support people who find fluorescent yellow flyers appealing. - Robert Clark
It looks as if British democracy died a few years ago, and nobody noticed. - Steve Merrick
The Annual Register for 1763 tabulated the casualty list for British sailors in the Seven Years' War with France. Out of 184,899 men raised or rounded up for the war, 133, 708 died from disease, primarily scurvy, while only 1,512 were killed in action. - Stephen R. Brown
work was so great that it cannot be compassed in a few words. death is one of the greatest losses ever to occur to British science.{Describing Ernest Rutherford upon his death at age 66. Thomson, then 80 years old, was once his teacher.} J.J. Thomson - His
Mincemeat is decidedly British in its nature and can therefore be disregarded entirely where most civilized palates are concerned. - Clayton Smith
They say the sun never sets over the British Empire, but it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded. - Steven Wright
Among the many misdeeds of British rule in India, history will look upon the Act which deprived a whole nation of arms as the blackest. - Mahatma Gandhi
The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right. - Quentin Crisp
The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life. - Garrison Keillor