The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin
Grandmother's knee is a wonderful place to learn about the Bible, ghosts, and even Santa Claus, but a mighty poor place to learn about history. - L.B. Taylor Jr.
All right, so you believe in Santa Claus, and I'll believe in the 'Great Pumpkin.' The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe just so you're sincere! (Linus) - Charles M. Schulz
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple
Santa Claus has the right idea; visit people once a year. - Victor Borge
Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Matt Groening
Losing your virginity is a lot like when you find out that Santa doesn’t exist… First you’re slightly disappointed, and then you’re happy because you’re in on the secret - Ben Mitchell
Believe in love. Believe in magic. Hell, believe in Santa Clause. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don’t, who will? - Jon Bon Jovi
I stopped believing in Santa Claus at age six when my mother took me to see him in a store and he asked for my autograph.
A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's still upset.
You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why,Cause Santa Clause might put a cap in your ass. - Craig Ferguson
He continues to smile expectantly. I take a step back. I don't want to catch whatever he has. He is a disturbing out-of-uniform Santa. - Augusten Burroughs
Reading is one of the best ways to bond with your child. Bond this Christmas with It’s Not About You, Mr. Santa Claus - Soraya Diase Coffelt
In March of that year, I saw a man named Paul Barkley shot to death. It happened late at night in the parking lot of a café in Santa Rosa called Galileo’s. - Frederick Weisel
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple Black
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. - Dick Gregory
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking? - Arlo Guthrie
A good many things go around in the dark besides Santa Claus. - Herbert Hoover
The drive to Santa Fe on I-25 is midly zen. There are public road signs that say "Gusty Winds May Exist". This seems more like lazy philosophy than travel advice. - Chuck Klosterman
My question was:How did I go from merely seeing the dirty French Santa in a bar to being in his hotel room the next morning? And this presented me with an actual equation. How did one plus one equal old French Santa? - Augusten Burroughs
Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit everyone once a year.
Contemporary American children, if they are old enough to grasp the concept of Santa Claus by Thanksgiving, are able to see through it by December 15th. - Roy Blount Jr.
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa. - Ricky Gervais
Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates. - Jon Stewart