My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. - Jack Benny
Starving whilst schooled is like a man’s finding out that his wife is on her periods … a few seconds after he took Viagra. - Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A marriage that isn't built around the Cross will be devoid of grace, mercy, and humility that come when both husband and wife recognize their need for a savior. - John R.W. Stott
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
Succeeding in life and business is like falling in love with your wife (for those of you that are married). You can’t leave your wife at the mercy of another man and feel safe. - Nkem Paul
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
That place is happy over which a holy man builds a house, with fire, cattle, wife, children and good followers - The God
Never keep score in marriage; your wife is going to win anyway. - Matshona Dhliwayo
Fiction was invented the day Jonah arrived home and told his wife that he was three days late because he had been swallowed by a whale.. - Gabriel García Márquez
I am boring, but I'm ok with it. I'm the anchor, the shoulder...I'm an average man...with a truly extraordinary wife - Jasper Fforde
Mother and wife are saints,If they are not together - A G Maran
You wanted a wife but I wasstill a girl. - Kate Chisman
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle
For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal - Woody Allen
The trouble with my wife is that she is a whore in the kitchen and a cook in the bed.
A wife and a promissory note are never lost (they will allways find you)
If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores. - Matshona Dhliwayo
If you do not lend your car, your fountain pen or your wife to anyone, that is because these objects, according to the logic of jealously, are narcissistic equivalents of the ego: to lose them, or for them to be damaged, means castration. - Jean Baudrillard
Ah, we shall never have a real aristocracy while this plebeian reluctance to live upon a parent or a wife continues the animating spirit of our youth. It strikes at the foot of the feudal system! - Howells William Dean
A husband should not insult his wife publicly, at parties. He should insult her in the privacy of the home. - James Thurber
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield
One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip. - Erma Bombeck
The woman, who is not the wife, has no right to receive the seed of the man, because it is the man and not the woman, who has to bear the responsibility for his seed - Sunday Adelaja
A wife and a husband! For infinite lifetimes this is all one has done. And in doing so, one has lost his Absolute Supreme Self [Parmatma]! - Dada Bhagwan
I hope I can never trust my wife. If I trust her it means I know her. If I know her it means I understand her. If I understand her it means I can control her, and if I can control her it would make her boring and uninteresting… Dear god I hope I can never trust my wife… - Ben Mitchell
Remember Lot's wife. - Bible
I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead - Jeff Foxworthy
...there are no sweeter words in the English language (or any other) than husband and wife. - Lanier Ivester
If we could survive without a wife, citizens of Rome, all of us would do without that nuisance; but since nature has so decreed that we cannot manage comfortably with them, nor live in any way without them, we must plan for our lasting preservation rather than for our temporary pleasure. - Augustus
Whom she will be my next wife, will marry my attorney on paper and marry me on the bed. - hf
Perhaps the only way for a husband to know the true mind graph of his wife is to make her laugh wildly or annoy her enough deeply; else she can hide many secrets from him all throughout her life. - Anuj Somany
Matched with an aged wife, I mete and doleUnequal laws unto a savage race,That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me. - Alfred Tennyson
I believe everyone in life has a soul mate. And if I ever find mine, my wife will kill her! - James Hauenstein
A Muslim must not hate his wife and if he be displeased with one bad quality in her, then let him be pleased with another that is good. - Anonymous
The love we have in our youth is superficial compared to the love that an old man has for his old wife. - Will Durant
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield
My life is ruled by four W’s: my writing, my work, my wife, and my whisky. Not necessarily in that order. - Ashwin Sanghi
Guess it's high time we add the 8th vow in marriage promising that we shall spend time with our husband or wife more than with social networking sites! - Manasa Rao Saarloos
My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked. - Winston S. Churchill
The best thing a girl can be is a good wife and mother. It is a girl's highest calling. I hope I am ready. - Nancy E. Turner
The true index of a man's character is the health of his wife. - Cyril Connolly
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. - Jane Austen
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. - Rodney Dangerfield
Medicine is my lawful wife, and literature is my mistress. When I get fed up with one, I spend the night with the other - Anton Chekhov
If ever a man and his wife, or a man and his mistress, who pass nights as well as days together, absolutely lay aside all good breeding, their intimacy will soon degenerate into a coarse familiarity, infallibly productive of contempt or disgust. - Philip Chesterfield
Porn mainly exists to satisfy the physical needs of men. Unfortunately many young men use porn to get educated about sex. But porn is not romance, lovemaking and about an emotional connection with their girlfriend, wife, or lover. - Dr. Warren Shepell
Listen carefully. I'd crush you like a bug for causing my wife one single moment of pain. Believe it. Fear it. - J.D. Robb
He sits, strong and blunt as a Celtic cross, Clearly used to silence and an armchair: Tonight the wife and children will be quiet At slammed door and smoker's cough in the hall. - Seamus Heaney
Move on, sky is not limit, wind can touch you, water can dip you, mother will care you, wife will nurture you and above all, oneday you will see your child following, up above the sky; you became a star, twinkling, watching and waiting to come back again, on earth. - Santosh Kalwar
The dog leash was still tied tight around the oak tree in the back, stretched worn and limp across the green grass as if trying to escape to freedom; and he buried his wife without a tombstone. Where before, she sat most times in his home, licking her wounds. - Anthony Liccione
Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. - Euripides
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. - Erma Bombeck
A man who withstands all stress given by his spouse and keeps mum on all major matters of his house, often stays long at the workplace because the training imparted by a wife comes handy in the service life to either endure the undue job pressure or release it on others to impress the boss. - Anuj Somany
A smart wife is one who makes sure she spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman. - Miriam Defensor Santiago
Someone told me the delightful story of the crusader who put a chastity belt on his wife and gave the key to his best friend for safekeeping, in case of his death. He had ridden only a few miles away when his friend, riding hard, caught up with him, saying 'You gave me the wrong key! - Anaïs Nin
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde
He who says that his wife is his life has tacitly agreed to the point that he is prepared to be cheated by his wife like a life at any point of time. - Anuj Somany
A loving wife will do anything for her husband except stop criticizing him and trying to improve him.
A wife can let her husband to have anything except the freedom to live life of his own. - Anuj Somany
It does not surprise seeing a husband working as slave to his wife , but how he takes often the pride or pleasure of admitting it publicly without a bit of shame of living such disgraceful life. - Anuj Somany
In the true married relationship, the independence of husband and wife will be equal, their dependence mutual, and their obligations reciprocal. - Lucretia Mott
There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will. - Robert Frost
The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn't have any tattoos... but we never saw his wife. - Karl Pilkington
I am aware, of course, that many men do hate the sight of their wife and children. Doctors even have a name for these people: 'anglers'. - Jeremy Clarkson
For too many centuries women have been being muses to artists. I wanted to be the muse, I wanted to be the wife of the artist, but I was really trying to avoid the final issue — that I had to do the job myself. - Anaïs Nin
AIM, n. The task we set our wishes to. "Cheer up! Have you no aim in life?" She tenderly inquired. "An aim? Well, no, I haven't, wife; The fact is -- I have fired." G.J. - Ambrose Bierce
A quality wife guarantees you a quality life. - Matshona Dhliwayo
Husband and wife both are works together as two wheels in a vehicle. Here is equality between both. - Kusum Manjeshri
A man who lives with his wife is safer and more venerable than a man who lives with a tramp. - Michael Bassey Johnson
God calls each person individually. He said that a man and his wife were one flesh, but not one spirit - Sunday Adelaja
My wife is troubled by the things I forget. I am troubled by the things she recollects. - Ashwin Sanghi
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a large fortune must be in want of a wife. - Jane Austen
If we could get on without a wife, Romans, we would all avoid that annoyance; but since nature has ordained that we can neither live very comfortably with them nor at all without them, we must take thought for our lasting well-being rather than for the pleasure of the moment.
A husband and wife honor God when they love and honor each other. - Jim George
I die a Queen, but I would rather die the wife of Culpepper - Katherine "Kitty" Howard
If your love for your wife can be measured, it is not big enough. - Matshona Dhliwayo
How in the world do you tellyour wife that her mother was born a unicon? - Bruce Coville
A thousand ways to please your wife boil down to two words: Yes, dear. - Matshona Dhliwayo
Intelligence is the wife, imagination is the mistress, memory is the servant. - Victor Hugo
That man who is without religion and mercy should be rejected. A guru without spiritual knowledge should be rejected. The wife with an offensive face should be given up and so should relatives who are without affection. - Chanakya
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard
On the Brevity of Our TiesTies in this world last only for a time. We are husband and wife, parent and child, for a short period only. Once this reality sinks in, we cannot help treasuring each moment of our brief association. - Kentetsu Takamori
Mother are wife are saints, If they are not together - A G Maran
My toughest fight was with my first wife. - Muhammad Ali
INDIFFERENT, adj. Imperfectly sensible to distinctions among things. "You tiresome man!" cried Indolentio's wife, "You've grown indifferent to all in life." "Indifferent?" he drawled with a slow smile; "I would be, dear, but it is not worth while." Apuleius M. Gokul - Ambrose Bierce
Love the wife of your youth. Never abandon her. - Lailah Gifty Akita
MUSTANG, n. An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of an English nobleman. - Ambrose Bierce
The greatest adventure for a person is to live own life, but even greater daring than that for a man is to live a married life and sustain by offering own opinion to his wife. - Anuj Somany
I want a relationship where we talk like best friends, play like kids, argue like husband and wife, and protect each other like siblings. - Anonymous
It used to be that a novel would put you among people, tell you a story or stories, give you some sense of what it might be like to see a different cut-out and perspective of the world: as a schoolteacher, an adulteress, the wife of a member of Parliament, an officer, a cockroach. - Michael Hofmann
Every woman is a gift when she becomes a daughter, Every woman is beautiful when she becomes a lover, Every woman is special when she becomes a wife, Every woman is a god when she becomes a Mother - Vivek Thangaswamy
If every marriage is measured by the tongue of a wife, their will be no husband left in every marriage. - Chinonso G. Nnabuike Sr.
My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said. - Anonymous
We met Dr. Hall in such deep mourning that either his mother, his wife, or himself must be dead. - Jane Austen
A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to comprehend his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it.
The woman who cannot tell a lie in defense of her husband is unworthy of the name of wife. - Elbert Hubbard
The pastor looks at the money. It is money coming from the wife of a sodomite. It is money coming from a woman. It is the deep-lying root of evil. But it is a lot of money. - Jessie Burton
Monogamy is the Western custom of one wife and hardly any mistresses.
What no wife of a writer understands is that a writer is working when he's staring out the window. - Burton Rascoe
You are the grace of my life So tender, so undeserved Hard to believe you're my wife Even harder to put what I feel into words If I need evidence God is good Just looking at you is enough You are the grace of my life For you grace my life with your love - Brian Littrell
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs. - Oscar Wilde
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
When men and women produce a baby together for the first time, it's an absolute festival of mutual incompetence.From The Wife Drought - Annabel Crabb
In the 1950s at least less was expected of women. Now we're supposed to build a career, build a home, be the supermum that every child deserves, the perfect wife, meet the demands of elderly parents, and still stay sane. - Sara Sheridan
Dancing is to music what a beloved wife is to her husband. Both of them are so in love, you can't separate them. - Paul Bamikole
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen
UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife. - Ambrose Bierce
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx
Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you. - Matshona Dhliwayo
On Collateral Damage: "Every limb lost, every hovel burned, every wife left husbandless, and every child orphaned created ripples of anger and resentment. Create enough of them, and we'll one day wind up with a wave that will wash us off the map. - Chris Holm
The couch and I were what I would describe as frenemies. I loved to hate it. It was too small for my frame. I had tried to tell my wife that fact when we bought it off of Craigslist, but she assured me that it went perfectly with our room decor and it was a good deal. - Anna M. Aquino
But that slip of paper wouldn't disappear, ever, and neither would the image of his prostrate wife, and neither would the thought that if he could, it might greatly improve his life to end it. - Jonathan Safran Foer
An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't. - Sacha Guitry
A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife. - E.W. Howe
Each one's no longer consciousOf the high wall, or the rest:Since the one enduring fortress,Is the soldier's iron breast.If you’d live unconquered,Quickly arm, and fight the real foe:Every wife an Amazon bred,And every child a hero. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Your wife is your life. Don't let strife thrive in your union. - Ifeanyi Enoch Onuoha
Be careful when you ask Karma for something that you have always wanted. When I was young, I asked to be surrounded by beautiful women. Now I have a wife and four daughters. - James Hauenstein
Variability is one of the virtues of a woman. It avoids the crude requirement of polygamy. So long as you have one good wife you are sure to have a spiritual harem". - G.K. Chesterton
A farm is an irregular patch of nettles bounded by short-term notes, containing a fool and his wife who didn't know enough to stay in the city.
We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. - H. L. Mencken
How was I able to live alone before, my little everything? Without you I lack self-confidence, passion for work, and enjoyment of life--in short, without you, my life is no life.[Written to his wife, Mileva] - Albert Einstein
On page 607, alluding to the end of my first marriage (and carefully remembering to state that that's none of his business), he very sweetly says that I 'might leave a wife, but not a friend.' Nice try. Neat smear. But he shouldn't be so sure.... - Christopher Hitchens
and every day I thank [God] that I am alive, not because I fear death, but because my wife has a husband and my son is not an orphan. - Khaled Hosseini
He remembered the gracefulness with which she moved in battle—like liquid flesh. There was no one quite like his wife, and he never felt more triumphant and free than when he was in her company. - Nadia Scrieva
One man's folly is another man's wife. - Helen Rowland
"If you were my husband, i would feed you poison." "If you were my wife, madam, i would take it!
I don't care how poor and inefficient a little country is; they like to run their own business. I know men that would make my wife a better husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em. - Will Rogers
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?' - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
To know what should be going on in a household: spend a few minutes with the wife, or, the husband. To know what’s really going on: spend a few minutes with their kid(s). - Mokokoma Mokhonoana
... A man's wife can hold him devilish uneasy, if she begins to scold and fret, and perplex him, at a time when he has a full load for a railroad car on his mind already. - David Crockett
An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea." Churchill's response, "Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it. - Winston S. Churchill
Most people aren't appreciated enough, and the bravest things we do in our lives are usually known only to ourselves. No one throws ticker tape on the man who chose to be faithful to his wife, on the lawyer who didn't take the drug money - Peggy Noonan
Listening to your wife is intelligence; hearing every word she doesn't say is wisdom. - Matshona Dhliwayo
I'm raw power & energy. And my wife is like the only scientist who can harness and direct it properly. I always thank Jah for her. (Proverbs 31:10) - Sotero M Lopez II
Nancy Astor: "Sir, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea."Winston Churchill: "Madame,i f you were my wife, I'd drink it!"(Exchange with Winston Churchill) - Nancy Astor the Viscountess Astor
Men, you'll never be a good groom to your wife unless you're first a good bride to Jesus. - Timothy J. Keller
There is nothing like a good dose of another woman to make a man appreciate his wife. - Clare Booth Luce
Never write an advertisement which you wouldn't want your family to read. You wouldn't tell lies to your own wife. Don't tell them to mine. - David M. Ogilvy
God takes great joy in the passionate romantic love between a husband and wife. - Jim George
My first wife said, 'It's either thatguitar or me,' you know -- and I giveyou three guesses which one went. - Jeff Beck
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me - Winston S. Churchill
What you seek you shall never find. For when the Gods made man, They kept immortality to themselves.Fill your belly.Day and night make merry.Let Days be full of joy.Love the child who holds your hand.Let your wife delight in your embrace.For these alone are the concerns of man. - The Epic of Gilgamesh
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
Lewis encourages his cancer-stricken and temporarily depressed wife that uncertainty rather than hopelessness is our cross. - C.S. Lewis
I never read to kill time. Killing time is like killing someone's wife or a child. There is nothing more precious for me than time. - Stanisław Lem
We owe it to our husband or wife, our fellow workers, our children, our friends, indeed to everyone who comes into our lives, to be as happy as we can be. - Dennis Prager
Never squander money, opportunity or a good wife. They all tend to end up in the hands of someone who won't. - Sotero M Lopez II
I'm giving serious thought into eating yor wife - Hannibal Lecter - Thomas Harris
When a man finds the woman he really loves, the one he respects and wants to call wife, there is nothing on earth he won't do for her. No mountain he won't hike. No river he won't wade. No door he won't open. She is Eve and there's not a snake crawling that can keep them apart. - Yolanda Joe
He who thinks by not talking to his wife or girlfriend can make her realize and apologize for her mistakes only, is in a fool’s paradise. - Anuj Somany
A man has to be very understanding and put his wife first before himself. - Abdulazeez Henry Musa
A righteous wife is a respectful wife. - Habeeb Akande
You want a wife who is intelligent, but not too intelligent.
If your wife puts on ten pounds, love her ten times more.If she puts on a hundred pounds, love her a hundred times more.If she puts on a thousand pounds, love her a thousand times more. - Matshona Dhliwayo
The acts of daily forbearance, the headache, or toothache, or heavy cold; the tiresome peculiarities of husband or wife, the broken glass...all of these sufferings, small as they are, if accepted lovingly, are most pleasing to God's Goodness. - Francis de Sales
When your eyes beholds mine, I am mesmerized only to be your wife in bad times more than the best ones. Because whatever one say Marriage is all about Compassion - Tanya Sehgal
Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer or sculptor or geneticist if at the same time she manages to be a good wife, a good mother, good-looking, good-tempered, well-dressed, well-groomed, and unaggressive. - Marya Mannes
The fastest way to end an argument with your wife is to admit she’s right. - Matshona Dhliwayo
I think poetry without metaphor is like husband and wife living in separate bedrooms. - Munia Khan
Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back. - Richard Belzer
Taking good care of your husband or wife is the best way to thank their parent or parents for having taken good care of them. - Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Looking for a wife is like fishing; before you go, make sure you don't have a hole in your net. - Matshona Dhliwayo
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Strange, to see what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition, every man and wife gazing and smiling at them. - Samuel Pepys
An old liar told me hereTo think ahead and save my money.I should have spent it on ribbons.I should have learned the tune my dead grandfather playedWhen the daft wife heard him resoundingIn the deep pine woods in early November. - Menzies McKillop
I can replace things, but I could never replace my wife and kids. - Pablo Escobar
Medicine is my lawful wife, and literature is my mistress. When I get fed up with one, I spend the night with the other. Though it is irregular, it is less boring this way, and besides, neither of them loses anything through my infidelity. - Anton Chekhov
The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th. - Scott Adams
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. - Will Rogers
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen
A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Bagehot
Be my wife, all my life. - Jodi Thomas
I want you, Rosa,' Antonio said, turning to her. 'I want you with your scars and your suffering. You are my wife and everything that has happened to you only makes you more precious to me. - Belinda Alexandra
A man ought to be able to be fond of his wife without making a fool of himself about her. - George Bernard Shaw
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. - Socrates
Your wife is smarter than you; know this, and you will live happily ever after. - Matshona Dhliwayo
People should be always careful of two persons. One who is totally dedicated to his family especially his wife and others who are completely addicted to the women in life. - Anuj Somany
Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as beautiful as she is). - Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A man who truly loves his wife is loved by the entire world - Prabhukrishna M
Don't put too much trust on your education level, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, bank account, because they will fail you. Only put your 100% trust on God, you will succeed ! - Werley Nortreus
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. - Rodney Dangerfield
And Lot's wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been. But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human. So she was turned to a pillar of salt. So it goes. - Kurt Vonnegut
I have been right, Basil, haven’t I, to take my love out of poetry, and to find my wife in Shakespeare’s plays? Lips that Shakespeare taught to speak have whispered their secret in my ear. I have had the arms of Rosalind around me, and kissed Juliet on the mouth. - Oscar Wilde
The day two girls or women can genuinely be friends to each other, we will see then no war, camouflaged or open, between the wife and her mother-in-law in any house. - Anuj Somany
And Mrs. Fox said to her children, 'I should like you to know that if it wasn't for your father we should all be dead by now. Your father is a fantastic fox.'Mr. Fox looked at his wife and she smiled. He loved her more than ever when she said things like that. - Roald Dahl
Consciousness may be seen as the haughty and restless second cousin of morphology. Memory is its mistress, perception its somewhat abused wife, logic its housekeeper, and language its poorly paid secretary - Gerald Edelman
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry